took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
