there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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