paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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