): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
