We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
