Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
