So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
