just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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