I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
