I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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