Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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