What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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