I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
