Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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