Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
