I cannot find my penis.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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