I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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