No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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