Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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