No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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