We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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