you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
