my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
