There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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