If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
