Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so let's talk penis.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize