Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
