i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
