At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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