Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
