love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
