he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
