the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
