She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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