she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
