Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
