HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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