the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
