i can't believe i had my finger in that
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
