he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
