haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
