I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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