And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
