you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
