the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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