I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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