The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
