how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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