If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
