i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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