What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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