I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
