Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
