I think i sorta joined a cult last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do herpes really smell.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
