Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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