Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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