Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
