I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
