I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He passed out mid-signature
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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