A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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