your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
