remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
