That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
