just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
