I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
