Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
