I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He has the fingertips of a God
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