I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
