somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
