Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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