Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
